We live in England incase you didn’t know already and our home is a “flat” what we call apartments in the UK. We live in a block and row of apartments and out the back is a long garden attaching 3 blocks together.
In the summer and weekends all the children from the blocks play out there safely as its walled off. They all play out there all day everyday and after school for the older ones. The age range is 3-10 years with about 20 children playing together. Corey only being 4 hasn’t been allowed down to play out freely until recently when he understood his boundaries etc. Now that he is old enough we cant keep him in from the minute he wakes to bed time hes out there on bikes etc having fun.
Yesterday id called him in for bed time and as I was getting him to bed he said ” Mummy what does gay mean?….. I was taken a back by it as it wasn’t something id expected him to ask especially at only 4. I hadn’t thought about what would my answer ever be if he asks something like that.
I replied “oh that’s a new word where did you hear that?”.
He said ” a big boy called the other big boy gay because he hugged me when I fell over”.
My heart hurt abit at how cruel children can be to one another sometimes not fully understanding the impact that could have on that individuals life in the future. Not the fact of being called gay just name calling in general.
I said ” well you know how mummy loves daddy and I’m a girl and he is a boy? Well a boy can love a boy or a girl can love a girl to and that means they are gay”.
Trying to explain something to a 4 year old age appropriate can be hard.. Especially if you as the parent aren’t prepared with an answer to their million questions. He’d once asked me on the bus infront the lady. “Why is her skin brown?” I had at first felt my face flush red. I answered with ” because everyone is born differently but we are all people the same, I have brown hair that man has black, I put his tanned arm next to my deathly white arm and said see are skin is different because we are made differently but were all just as special as each other”. The lady winked at me and I felt reassured I hadn’t hurt her feelings.
But as we sat on his bed at bedtime I could see mentally he was trying to piece things together in his mind.
He said ” But I love daddy? So I’m gay to? Because hes a boy?”
I thought afterwards just how simple and pure a childs mind and heart works.
I replied ” No that is a different kind of love, you don’t love your toy car like you love mummy or daddy its a different love. But when you get bigger you can love whoever you want to your heart will tell you who you really love and your heart will love whoever it wants to boys or girls”.
He seemed to agree and I thought that was the end but anyone who knows corey know he will repeat the same questions he likes to hear the information repeated and be certain in his mind.
” So shall I tell the boy I’m not gay?” He said.
” You tell the boy, friends boys or girls can give hugs because that’s the job of being a kind friend.”
He replied with ” yeah your right”.
And that was the end of the conversation. It left me thinking about the future for my kids and what people might they grow to be.
I have a very open view of sexuality race etc I don’t care if my son wants to loves boys or girls or if my daughter wants to marry a tree for all I care although I would love grandbabies so maybe not the tree ha ha black, white, or green I don’t care as long as they are both happy, gay or not I don’t give a shit to be blunt!
Happiness and love is medicine for the soul and heart and I don’t care who they love as long as they are happy humans.
Be whoever you want to be my babies dress in colours, dance in the rain and forever keep your happy souls! Love the one that loves you and never worry that I will think of you any differently.