The past few months we’ve seen recently on the news a lot about different celebrities committing suicide through depression. Last week Love Islands Sophie Gradon 32 was reported to have committed suicide. Sophie through her small windows to her life in the form of social media showed a happy life, an amazing lifestyle and dream worthy life in all. Great career, great boyfriend Aaron Armstrong and family, and with a bright future ahead. This is the dangers of social media. Sophie was suffering from mental health behind closed doors and the wall of social media. Sophies mind was unwell and I wish she could have got the help she needed and deserved before she got to the point she did. Massive thoughts to her loved ones. x
Social media isn’t real, someone could smile for a picture and cry for hours behind it. Snap a photo with a hundreds of people but be alone. Speak up shout up!
Although I haven’t become so deep into depression I’ve felt the urge or the feeling that I would be better off dead. I have however until recently been struggling and felt over whelmed and over powered. I felt like I was slowly suffocating in my own mind. I reached a point if I’m honest to where I think if I had let it carry on I think those thoughts would have crept in. I tried for years to push through and “pull myself together” but these past 6 months to a year I just felt like I couldn’t get through, like the depression was a tumour growing through me. If I could visibly see the depression like a rash I wouldn’t leave it for years before seeking a treatment? Would you?
I recently went on holiday to Spain for 3 weeks, the first time my children have been abroad and something just clicked in my mind. I saw on a sign while there directions to the place id been in a terrorist attack and saw how close to the area I was now in it was. I felt a panic i’ve never felt I stopped sleeping, I was really emotional, I felt trapped and terrified. I didn’t tell anyone how I felt, I didn’t want to ruin their holiday. My whole family was on the holiday and I had no reason to feel utter panic but I did. I did on on many days just cry in private but one day out I couldn’t hold it in and I think my mum knew then something wasn’t right as she hugged me.
One day we called in a little shop and I saw this bracelet the only English written words in the whole shop it just stood out to me massively. I brought it but didn’t tell anyone the reason I was buying it, or why the words meant something to me.
Ive now seen my doctor and a therapist. I have been told I am suffering severe Anxiety, PTSD post traumatic stress disorder and depression. I have been on depression tablets already for 3 years but now I’m on the max dosage. Beater blockers which slow my heart 3 times a day as the adrenalin just keeps pumping through my body when I don’t need it like in a fight or flight situation my body is ready 24/7 to fight. On high alert for no reason.
I have been going out the house. I have been laughing. I have been happy. I have smiled more these past 2 weeks than I have in 3 months. I feel like me again. I still am having issues but I’m awaiting a psychiatrist appointment. But I’m on the road to real recovery.
But my point is there is a light, there is help and there is hope. Never give it.
MIND – https://www.mind.org.uk/
Samaritans – https://www.samaritans.org/
SPEAK UP SHOUT UP!
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