Wow. Im shocked that its already coming up to a year since I wrote my first mental health post. A post I never thought id write, things I never thought id admit to myself let alone the world. From that first post I wrote 2 more updates on how I was feeling. Its now April 8th and this is the exact time I had what I would say a mental crash not a full blown breakdown but it was the first time I noticed something was seriously wrong within me. I had been on a family holiday in Spain when I felt a click not an actual click but a shift in my mind. I felt utter panic and extremely down. I felt as though someone had entered by body and taken over while I watch and screamed from inside to escape. Its a feeling I can’t truly explain and you won’t understand unless you too have been to that place.
I dont want to go into full detail as its all explained and talked about in these post here if you have a read then read them in order ;
So, the reason for this post. We are leading up to the date I wrote my first mental health post. The day I felt like id got the upper hand on mental health. It no longer was hiding within my mind I had outted it, I had outted myself although it did still have some hold as I didn’t reveal the full truth till 6 months later and even then didn’t get it across just how bad I was. Its now 10 months on and I feel amazing truthfully I do.
The truth about it is yes I do still has the odd day that I feel down but thats the point they are the odd day, rather than being the odd day id feel a slight pinch of happiness. On those days that I do feel down ill say it aloud, ill tell mark I feel abit down today or ill wake up and feel anxious for no reason but I say it I don’t hide it I don’t ignore it.
Today I think the reason this came up as oh maybe I could do this ( ill explain in a minute) is because I had a CBT session today which cognitive behaviour therapy for an hour and ill be having a chat with the therapist once a week for an hour in the future for however long it takes to help change my mind set. I am however still awaiting to see a psychologist which is actually shocking and speaks volumes for how strained the mental health service is. 10 months later I still haven’t got the full help but regardless I now do feel great.But I do have a thought of I never have dealt with childhood trauma so I worry what if it arises again. But for now I wake up happy to start the day Im excited by life. We recently moved home and its given us an amazing change in lifestyle especially for me and I can honestly say I couldnt be happier.
Ok so on June 7th I am going to get my very first tattoo a heart beat line which spells “be happy” is what im thinking with a heart at each end representing the kids. My reason to be happy they are the reason my heart beats they are my happiness. Along with this leading up I will be hoping to raising money for MIND the charity that is there to help those suffering from mental health. Ill get a donate page linked here once ive set it up. But I would love for you to support me in raising money for them. If you or you know someone who has suffered or is currently struggling with mental health every little helps even a quid.
The the light does appear it doesn’t stay dark forever although you may feel it will. I PROMISE you the tunnel in the dark does end and you will get to the other side.